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Eat Well Enjoy Life’s White Bean Hummus:
A Comprehensive Review

The Purchase

While I was initially distraught by cashier-to-customer ratio, the check-out process was passable and relatively painless. The cashier was a young fellow in his mid-twenties sporting an immaculate hair sweep, the arm tattoos of a sailor, and the sort of tight trousers that are popular amongst the youth of Cambridge. These trousers leave little to the imagination and based on a perfunctory glance, one could (if so inclined) easily rate his junk. My butler Thompson deemed it to be “average” but he is lout and prone to exaggeration. The young man inquired as to how I was doing and I told him to mind the task at hand and ring me up. My sharp direction made short work of his inane banter and I was out in a jiffy.

Packaging

Eat Well Enjoy Life’s White Bean Hummus comes in an industrially produced plastic package. There is a conspicuous lack of craftsmanship & detail and the container seems to be the rough work of either a machine or a thuggish working-man. The label on top is a garish mess of green and yellow. I found it to be painful and Thompson poured me a large dram of scotch to offset the resulting headache. Under the cover was a thin plastic film that had to be removed. It was coated with oil and flecks of bean dip and a good portion of both ended up on my hand. I deemed this barbaric, finished my scotch, and beat Thompson with a spatula for good measure. The president of Eat Well Enjoy Life should expect heated correspondence in the near future.

Flavor, Texture, and Quality

Shoddy packaging aside, Eat Well Enjoy Life’s White Bean Hummus is actually a delightful comestible. The flavor is subtle but confident and blended well with the traditional crackers Thompson had procured for our sampling. The dip itself consists of a thick & mealy texture but in a manner that does’t offend the palate. Some of the lesser crackers were broken and lost during the “scooping” process but I shed no tears. They were not of hearty stock and deserved their crumbly fate. In summation, Eat Well Enjoy Life’s White Bean Hummus is a refined combination of noble grace & simple boldness, like a white swan taking flight whilst sporting a stiff erection. Hats off to you, sirs, for achieving such a delicate balance.

Final Word

This spread earns a well-deserved Earl of Oxfordshire rating (on a scale from Earl of Kent to Lord of Yorkshire)