Stoked. Feeling like a CHAMP. Coach tells me I’m running the routes good and blocking good too. Also, he says I did a good job tying my cleats all by myself. All-star, bro.
Got flipped over going into the touchdown-space and landed on my neck. Acted like, “whatever, homos” and spiked the ball. GRONKOWSKI
NEW YORK CITY, bitches! 9:00am breakfast. Put eggs in my mouth. Call Kev back in California to tell him about the hot talent in NYC. Kev is all, “Y U CALLIN SO EARLY, GRONK?! It’s 6:00 in the morning, bro” and I’m like NO, it’s 9:00. He’s like, “there’s a 3 hour time difference” and “we’re in different time zones” and I’m thinkin’ goddamit Kev just listen to me, bro, HOT TAIL EVERYWHERE. Dude loved Star Wars as a kid and thinks talking about *timezone space robots* makes him sound smart & shit. LAME.
Can’t fit “MEAT CANNON” onto a license plate. Guess I’m keeping the old one.
Got my hand stuck in my face-guard again. Good thing Edelman’s got tiny girl fingers and helped me out. I owe you, mini-bro.
Must have got WASTED LAST NIGHT bcuz there was the UGLIEST porn star ever in my hotel room this morning. Woke up and she’s picking up towels and trying to make the bed and stuff. Totally don’t remember coming back with her. She’s all old and ugly and talking Mexican talk and I’m like, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SAYING.” On the bus to practice Edelman is like, “Rob, I think that was a cleaning lady, one of the hotel staff” and I’m like “shut up little man or I’ll eat you” Still got a headache. Gotta step up my game.
Bit my tongue real bad. Thought it was a piece of sausage leftover from breakfast. Hurts like a #$*@! and now it’s hard to make out with all three of these chicks.
The shampoo in the Denver hotel TASTED LIKE SHIT. I was like, are you kidding me? I thought this was some 5 star fancy place. Gonna tell Coach cuz there are other hotels and we can do better. Weak, bro. Denver sucks.
BOSTON! Rocked the bottle service at the club last night. Then on the way out I punched the bouncer the face and he thanked me. Big Pats fan, I guess. Love this town.
I put coach’s Kindle in the toaster by mistake and even though I only ate half of it, he was still pissed. Now I’m running wind-sprints. This is gonna be a long season..
Everyone thinks me and Brady are best-bros and tight in a totally no-homo way. It’s true. I got Tom’s back and he looks out for Gronk. He’s all, “watch for the outside blitz” or “look both ways before you cross, Gronk” or “Jesus Christ, Rob, how did you fit that pinecone in your mouth? Call the trainer, he’s choking!”