For the first installment of Taco Tuesday, we’re joined by longtime friend of the show and local football legend, Rob Gronkowski. His physical prowess on the football field is matched only by his intense love for tacos. There’s simply no better person to help us “kick off” the Taco Tuesday series. Thanks for reading and remember: soft tacos are for children & cowards.
A tough year for a league still recovering from a devastating 2013 lockout. Still, we’d be remiss if we didn’t highlight the year’s top performers and stars. Without further delay, the Top 5 Greater Boston Traffic Cones of 2014:
5) Rookie Hector “Molasses” De Jesus (pictured above) spent only two years in the minors before erupting with a breakthrough season in the big leagues. Thanks to a mid-season hot streak (Beacon Street road work, Marathon route lining, police detail near South Station) De Jesus earned top-tier recognition and a reputation as a diversely talented cone. Expectations for next season are already sky high.
4) Not a season passes without some mention of Big Dig MVP and longtime highway specialist Wayne Fitzsimmons. This year saw another dominant run for Fitzsimmons who was an unavoidable presence on 95, 90, 84, and 128 (and 85% of the time, he held either 1st or 2nd cone position on lane closings).
3) Corey “Tallboy” Barron. East Cambridge NStar debacle of September. ‘nuff said.
2) The legendary Frank Borakowski is the conical definition of grit & experience. After taking a direct hit from an F-150 at Revere construction site, Borakowski returned only two weeks later to help narrow lanes on I-84. Just another highlight for a 15-year vet who doesn’t understand the meaning of “quit.”
1) Detractors will say his success is just the result of strong teammates but his fans & supporters know better. B’Parkison Jonesworth exhibited reflective flash & daring placement that put him cones above the competition. This emerging superstar will long be remembered for his risky curbside work on State Street and his split-lane performance on the Sumner Tunnel ramp. Fearless and entertaining and undoubtedly a winner.
Stoked. Feeling like a CHAMP. Coach tells me I’m running the routes good and blocking good too. Also, he says I did a good job tying my cleats all by myself. All-star, bro.
Got flipped over going into the touchdown-space and landed on my neck. Acted like, “whatever, homos” and spiked the ball. GRONKOWSKI
NEW YORK CITY, bitches! 9:00am breakfast. Put eggs in my mouth. Call Kev back in California to tell him about the hot talent in NYC. Kev is all, “Y U CALLIN SO EARLY, GRONK?! It’s 6:00 in the morning, bro” and I’m like NO, it’s 9:00. He’s like, “there’s a 3 hour time difference” and “we’re in different time zones” and I’m thinkin’ goddamit Kev just listen to me, bro, HOT TAIL EVERYWHERE. Dude loved Star Wars as a kid and thinks talking about *timezone space robots* makes him sound smart & shit. LAME.
Can’t fit “MEAT CANNON” onto a license plate. Guess I’m keeping the old one.
Got my hand stuck in my face-guard again. Good thing Edelman’s got tiny girl fingers and helped me out. I owe you, mini-bro.
Must have got WASTED LAST NIGHT bcuz there was the UGLIEST porn star ever in my hotel room this morning. Woke up and she’s picking up towels and trying to make the bed and stuff. Totally don’t remember coming back with her. She’s all old and ugly and talking Mexican talk and I’m like, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SAYING.” On the bus to practice Edelman is like, “Rob, I think that was a cleaning lady, one of the hotel staff” and I’m like “shut up little man or I’ll eat you” Still got a headache. Gotta step up my game.
Bit my tongue real bad. Thought it was a piece of sausage leftover from breakfast. Hurts like a #$*@! and now it’s hard to make out with all three of these chicks.
The shampoo in the Denver hotel TASTED LIKE SHIT. I was like, are you kidding me? I thought this was some 5 star fancy place. Gonna tell Coach cuz there are other hotels and we can do better. Weak, bro. Denver sucks.
BOSTON! Rocked the bottle service at the club last night. Then on the way out I punched the bouncer the face and he thanked me. Big Pats fan, I guess. Love this town.
I put coach’s Kindle in the toaster by mistake and even though I only ate half of it, he was still pissed. Now I’m running wind-sprints. This is gonna be a long season..
Everyone thinks me and Brady are best-bros and tight in a totally no-homo way. It’s true. I got Tom’s back and he looks out for Gronk. He’s all, “watch for the outside blitz” or “look both ways before you cross, Gronk” or “Jesus Christ, Rob, how did you fit that pinecone in your mouth? Call the trainer, he’s choking!”