Tyger Cove

Sideburns For The Internet

Month: November 2014

Zombie Diary

Day 277
Still feeling pretty sad about losing Sammy, Todd, Papa Walter, and Hamilton Jr. in that old mill. It seemed super zombie-free when we went to bed but it totally wasn’t. There were lots of zombies. Glad the rest of us made it out. Now we’re walking north following the train tracks. I got scared that a train will hit us but Randall said there are no more trains. I was like, “what about a zombie train?” but he told me to shut up and walk. He’s just cranky because a zombie bit off the shoelace on one of his boots. Also because Sammy and Todd were his brothers and they got eaten by zombies.

Day 284
Kev and T-Bone found a huge stash of canned cat food in a grocery store this morning so we’ve been eating like kings all day. Cat kings but still, kings. I told Ashleigh that we should take some of the dry food too because it’s better for our teeth & coats but she said that was only for cats and not people. Whatever. Not gonna feel bad when she has mangy fur and gross teeth.

Day 285
Too much canned cat food. Whole group spent the day in an old bus station just pooping all the time. Wish I had some dry cat food to settle my stomach. Or ginger ale. Either one or both. I feel terrible.

Day 290
I got a splinter from a wooden fence. Didn’t tell anyone. Too tough. Gotta be to survive in this new world.

Day 297
So much drama last night. Randall made everyone vote on who should lead the group. T-Bone kept asking “what’s our longterm plan?” was and making fun of Randall for his missing shoelace and for pronouncing wheelbarrow like “wheel-barrel.” Things got super awkward. Randall was like, “you think you can do better? Fine! Let’s take a vote, you fat prick.” I said let’s do a debate and take questions from the audience but nobody wanted to do that. I tried to ask T-Bone what his beard policy would be if he was leader (I’m pro-beard) but he and Randall were punching each other’s faces by then. Tanya separated them and everyone voted for Randall except for T-Bone, Kev, and Willy. Then we all went to bed angry.

Day 299
Are there lady zombies? I think there’s both but it’s hard to tell.

Day 305
Our third day on the road just cruisin’ along. We found an old bus outside of Memphis and T-Bone got it up and running. We stopped to scavenge some supplies and when we got back to the bus, Tanya was in my seat even though I called “same seats.” I know the world is now a lawless wasteland but come on.

Day 315
The bus broke down and just because I was driving when it happened, everyone blames me. Yeah, it’s my fault. I’m the bad guy for swerving to avoid a squirrel and crashing into a fire hydrant. Everyone was grumbling & whining. On the way to the farmhouse where we’re staying tonight, we saw signs for some place called “Pleasant Haven” which I think is a salad dressing factory. People were talking about how can we get there but I don’t know what the big deal is.

Day 328
We made it to Pleasant Haven (it’s a walled-in town, not a salad dressing factory). Everyone here seems friendly. The head of the place is this super-nice guy we call The Comptroller. When we arrived he was all, “welcome, my friends, to Pleasant Haven. This is a place of safety & order, a true community where all are accepted. This town is the fertile soil from which the resilient seeds of society will spring forth. Pleasant Haven is the rebirth of humanity. And let me say this: there’s definitely nothing weird going on in the storage sheds out back. Also, the storage sheds are off limits. Please remember that. Storage sheds: off limits. But welcome, one and all.” Great guy. So happy to be here.

Day 337
What a place! They have like a whole real scene going on. There’s a barbershop, a general store, a church, an arcade, and two different coffee shops (I go to the one where the barista remembers my name). The Pleasant Haven cafeteria is right near the storage sheds and is super delicious. My favorite things on the menu are:

  • Leg of “Lamb”
  • “Chicken” Fingers
  • Sloppy “Joe” (on Fridays)
  • “Hamburger”
  • The Daily Special (named each week after a lucky member of Pleasant Haven!)

T-Bone says something’s strange about this place but he’s a big party pooper. He said we need to leave and he’s going to have “a serious talk” with The Comptroller about our crew moving on. I told him do whatever pal but I’m staying here.

Day 339
Just had a romantic lunch at the cafeteria with the barista. It went well. I had the special (T-bone Steak) which reminds me that I haven’t seen T-Bone in a few days. I bet he’s doing ok just being a loner. Classic T-Bone.

Day 355
Big news! The Comptroller said I’ve been promoted to Junior Comptroller for “outstanding work in the field of work.” I just need to meet with the Executive Committee in the storage sheds to get my badge. Things are finally looking up.

Amazon Echo’s Acting Career

We couldn’t help but notice that the star of Amazon’s newest and totally not awkward product video looked awfully familiar. A little internet digging yielded the following IMDB entry for the talented & beautiful Amazon Echo.

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